These are some dating tips from one single guy (not multiple guys). These will help you get the girl of your dreams. Trust me, I’ve been on a date before.
1) Always Bring a Ring
If you are on a date with a girl you should always have an engagement ring with you, even if it’s the first date. This one is obvious. Do you play tennis without a racket? Do you make toast without eggs? Of course not! If you’re going on a date with a girl, bring a ring, idiot! You might decide you want to marry her during your date and you’ll need that special bling bling – I’m talking about a ring ring. Imagine being on a classy date – you’ve just finished eating the rest of her crunchy gordita wrap because she was too full; you glance into her eyes and she gives a little snort. You know at this moment she’s the one for you. You leave Taco Bell and walk her to the bus stop and never see or hear from her again. Also, she changed her phone number and moved to a different country; she obviously wanted you to propose, but you didn’t have a ring. You missed your chance buddy boy.
2) Never Bring a Wallet
If you don’t bring a wallet to the date, you cannot pay for your meal, let alone her meal. Feel free to pick a fancy, expensive place and don’t worry about spending all your hard-earned cash that you need to buy the newest video game. When the check comes, simply reach for the bill and insist that you’ll pay for it even if she offers. It’s the thought that counts, right? Then get ready to pull out your acting chops as you reach for your back pocket to grab a wallet that isn’t there. Your expression should say “Oh no!” as you frantically check pockets in your pants and jacket that you would never put a wallet in anyway. When she asks what’s wrong, you tell her that you’re very embarrassed and that you’ve forgotten your wallet. Boom! You get a free meal and likely another date, because now she knows you’re human and you make mistakes too. After multiple dates she WILL get suspicious. I will tell you how to handle this in a later post, but for now just keep forgetting your wallet.
There can be a lot of power in a single word – this word is “wow”. “Wow” will fill up any lull in conversation as well as make your date think that you are really listening to her and that you are interested in what she has to say. It has been scientifically proven that when a person hears the word “wow” their endocrine system goes into overdrive, releasing endorphins. These endorphins cause increased happiness in the brainular parts of the body. Essentially, people can’t help but love when they hear the word “wow”. For example, she says something like, “I really don’t like talking politics on the first date”. You respond with an enthusiastic “Wow!” and she won’t be able to wipe the smile off her face. Don’t be afraid to mix it up either. Try a “Triple Wow” (3 quick “wows” in a row) to respond to something boring that she says. Or maybe try the “Deep Breath Wow” – take your time to draw a deep breath and say “wooooooow” for as long as one breath will allow. She’ll be incredibly attracted to you and won’t even know why!
4) Pick your nose… and EAT IT
Everyone nose that dates can be stressful as both parties are trying to impress one another. They are giving their best effort to give the appearance that they’ve got it all together. With all that effort being used to impress, you’re missing out on a good first date. All that caution is just dying to be thrown to the wind. Break the tension with your finger. While your date is saying something like “But my passion is helping people…”, don’t miss a beat. Maintain eye contact and stick a finger as far as you can up your nose. If you’re like me, there will definitely be something juicy up there at any given time. Pull it out and casually put it in your mouth and say “Mmmm”. The pressure is now officially off. Both you and your date will feel comfortable just being yourselves. Subconsciously, she will feel more secure about your future together because you’ve displayed your ability to provide a snack, should either of you get hungry at any point. If she’s a real winner, she’ll ask “where’s mine?” to which you respond, “right there” as you wipe one on her cheek.
5) Establish Pet Names
Take the time to think of some pet names before you head out on your date. Pet names are a sign of love and comfortability with one another. Be creative! People get tired of being called “sweetie” or “honey” or “baby”. Here are some pet names that I’ve used in the past: “Crazy Psycho”, “Crusty Lips”, “Pangea”, and “Blob”. Scientists say that the earlier you use pet names in a relationship, the more smarter your brain gets. These names will also be useful if you forget her real name.
6) Be in her soul
I don’t know what this means at all, but I think it’s really good advice. If you want to make a lasting impression, let her know that you really feel like you are in her soul. If you can say this while looking into her eyes and putting a hand on top of her hand, you may create an unforgettable moment. Neither you nor she will understand what that means. But it will sound so deep and meaningful that she’ll be on pins and needles to hear what you have to say next. Women love a mysterious man! If she asks what you mean, just pretend like you have to go to the bathroom and then never come back. You’ve just created more mystery!
7) Interesting Facts
Before you go on a date, have some interesting facts in your back pocket. Do a little research online and simply memorize two or three of your favorite interesting facts. It doesn’t really matter what facts you choose; it’s really all about timing and delivery of those interesting tidbits. For example, she might say something really awkward like “and that’s why I always wear this pin, to remember my grandma by…” Then you reply, “Did you know that the average person can have between 5 and 25 pounds of fecal matter in their body at any given time?” She’ll seem confused at first- it’s because she just got more smarter right in front of your eyes!
8) Sensitive Guy
Every girl wants a sensitive guy, because girls have feelings and junk and they want you to be miserable too. If you aren’t good at crying you’ll have to think of a story that really makes you sad. Can’t think of one? You can use mine; it works every time. Once, when I was building the most amazing sandcastle at the beach, I saw a little puppy getting swept away by a riptide. I quickly ran out into the waters and swam and swam until I could swim no more. I was still yards away from this small, sopping wet puppy and I could see him slowly bobbing under the water, but he was just out of reach. As much as I tried I couldn’t reach the poor, helpless creature. With one last burst of energy I dove beneath the waves and pulled up the little puppy, brought it to shore and saved its life. But it was too late. My sandcastle had already been ruined by the waves. The End. Now think about the poor sandcastle whenever you need to cry, like when she’s telling you about a delicious cake recipe she made the other day. Get the waterworks going and when she asks what’s wrong, just say “I just have all these feelings and junk about when my mom used to love cake.” And she’ll reply “I’m sorry. Did your mom pass away?” You say, “No. She’s just really into pie nowadays”. Now she knows about your feelings and junk.
These are all the tips I have for now. Use them all day. Let me know which ones worked for you. Do you have any tips yourself that aren’t nearly as good as mine, but are worth considering? Let me know.